Amy Winehouse getting on the mend was fairly apparent when nude photos (NSFW) of a healthy looking (if not wildly sexually appealing) Wineo frolicking on the beach with new boyfriend Josh Bowman smothered the Internet.
But in a new interview, she confirms that she'll avoid becoming the next Nancy Spungen, largely due to dumping her Sid VIcious-meets-Pete Doherty, soon-to-be-ex-husband Blake Fielder-Civil, getting off drugs and banging her new Beauman like it's, well, everybody's business.
Of course, it's unlikely many skeptics are removing her from the upper echelons of their death pool just yet. But given Winehouse's genuinely astounding talent (frankly, while apples and oranges, her voice rivals that of a Beyonce, accept she seems to actually have some sense of a soulful legacy), it's hard not to root for everyone's favorite wig-wearing Jewess to make it through. You go, girl!
Ah, the last week before the Christmas-time blitz of abusive commercialism and schmaltzy, ceremonial sentimentality. A time for celebrities to get one last headline blast before the world pretends to care about religion and family more than the dogma of tabloid culture for a few days.
Fortunately for us, there was no shortage of boob-flashing, divorce scuttlebutt and rehab-hyjinks. So without further prolonged pause, here are the top five things we here at NCDSUV (and we hope you as well) have learned this week:
4. Tara Reid, not to be outdone by her more youthful underlings Lindsay Lohan et al, finally went into rehab for undisclosed reasons. We're guessing it's because she's been chronically addicted to an illicit co-dependent substance, but what the heckfire do we know?
And since we just reported on a woman in her 30s whose having a baby and making strides with her career, we figured we'd swing the pendulum of Hollywood fortune to the wrong side of the trainwreck tracks.
Ms. Tara Reid, at a spritely 33, has finally checked herself into a rehab (or dare we say Reid-Hab) facility called Promises, for an undisclosed issue. Riiiiight, cause her notorious drinking is about as well concealed as her fake left boob.
Not that it's "news" per se if Amy Winehouse lands in a hospital or has some drug-related incident, but it's certainly headline worthy on an insatiable site such as ours. So, yes indeed, the Auschwitz-chic singer was admitted to a London facility Sunday after having a bad reaction to some medication. Because, ya know, normal people who don't also coincidentally have heroin and crack issues are constantly getting sped off to the ER after their prescription aspirin went awry.
If you ask me, this inevitable cover-up for another recreational-substance spiral is all the fault of that no-good, poor-man's Pete Doherty sidekick of hers, who incidentally has been rumored to have dumped the dangerously 'do'd chanteuse in the days leading up to this hospital stay. Sounds like she should consider a... Civil suit against Mr. Blake Fielder. Eh, eh? See what I did there?
Thank you, Drew Pinsky (ehem, my apologies, Dr. Drew) and VH1. By striving to save the lives of several Z-level sort-of famous people (some most currently recognizable for their appearances on other VH1 reality shows) on Celebrity Rehab, you have ensured a previously waning addiction of my own: true-life cable programming.
I admit I'm a bit behind the ball on Season 2, but catching up with the season premiere was a damn near revelatory experience, and one that made me realize, yes, I can conquer my demons and continue to be reliant on a corrosive influence that prevents me from interacting meaningfully with other people: rampant couch potato-ism.
Wow, talk about a whirlwind five days. You know it's a nutty week when David Duchovny and Tea Leoni's inevitable split finally makes the front pages, but not NCDSUV's Top 5 Things We Learned This Week.
But not to worry. All that means is we had plenty of revelations from the likes of other megastar couples, multi-billion-dollar fast-food chains and, of course, our neverendingly illuminating presidential candidates. So enjoy, and hopefully you've learned as much as we have this week. And ideally lessons of greater societal import.
Is that Tea Leoni taking something out of her purse in that picture, or perhaps packing her bags so she can take a permanent vacation from her philandering husband? I dare say the latter. (I also know the answer because the image is from Spanglish.)
Anyway, the reports of she and sex-monger David Duchovny being officially separated come as fairly underwhelming amidst the previous day's Madonna/Guy Ritchie D-Bomb (that's Divorce Bomb, for those of you lacking in nuclear-weapon-analogy inference) and the fact that, well, Duchovny's been outed as a cheating douchebag for weeks now.
So, congratulations, David and Tea, you have joined the likes of Verne Troyer's penis and Sarah Silverman and Jimmy Kimmel's coitus in the esteemed annals (or is it anals?) of NCDSUV's Least Something Or Other Of The Month. Your gift certificate to Applebee's and trophy in the shape of Sonny Bono will be mailed to you shortly.
What a week, what a week. I'm personally all verklempt. Between the election race warming up, the economy cooling and down, and celebrities still indulgently frolicking around, it's been tough for NCDSUV to keep its panties unbunched. Or maybe that's just the fabric softener we've been using.
Well, in any case, from fetishizing the Obamas to taking a piss on your favorite movies and DirecTV scaring us with their tasteless Poltergeist ad, here's the top five things we learned this week.
As you know, if there's one situation we've been tracking as diligently as the world-changing awesomeness that is Sarah Palin, it's the trials and tribulations of David Duchovny's addiction to vagina. Many, many different kinds of vagina.
But we are happy to report (well, actually US magazine was happy to report) that Mr. Duchovny has closed his sex files and is back together with his wife, Tea Leoni, ready to return to a dull life of domesticity and sexual stasis.
By now, we can clearly deduce that it wasn't a calculated conspiracy to coincide with the new season of Californication. So we here at NCDSUV have a few suggestions of how Duchovny can bide his time now that he's out of penetration prison.
