Films From The Cable Afterlife: 01/09/08-01/15/08
Posted at 9:00 AM Jan 09, 2009
By Doug MosurockFilms from the Cable Afterlife soldiers on for yet another week, highlighting special movies from special people. Laugh, cry, feel something, even if that feeling is embarrassment for having spent 90 minutes of your lives watching people get eaten by a tree. You heard right. Read on for the dirty details. (All listings in EST.)
8. The Guardian (1990)
Cinemax (WMAX), Friday, January 9, 4pm; Monday January 12, 7:40am; Thursday, January 15, 2:45pm
We're gonna bookend today's list with works from director William Friedkin, at his absolute lowest and his most recent heights. Might as well start from the bottom with this confusing, absurd horror tale about a nanny (Jenny Seagrove) who may just be some manner of wolf-like creature, as well as a druid. She's gonna sacrifice another baby, and hikers are going to get chewed up by a stump. One of the worst of the '90s, and it kicked off a string of forgettable, tawdry features from this one-time great. It would take years for him to get his groove back, but at least he turned it around on his own terms. Miguel Ferrer and Brad Hall co-star. Try not to kick a hole in your TV afterwards as you wonder how any network could bring itself to show this one three times in the space of a week.
7. Sisters (1973)
IFC, Friday, January 9, 8pm; Saturday, January 10, 4:30am
Early, suspenseful Brian DePalma, back in his hungrier days. It's no Phantom Of The Paradise, but really, nothing is. Margot Kidder stars as a demure French girl with a horrible secret: Her formerly conjoined twin sister, hiding in the closet with a knife. Reporter Jennifer Salt is unlucky enough to witness the murder, and her investigation robs her of her personality. The scene in the mental institution where she squares off with a germophobe is positively unnerving, and overall this thing is far, far better than what the genre deserved.
6. Old Dracula (1974)
Retroplex, Tuesday, January 13, 6:20pm
David Niven takes a turn as the count, desperately trying to revive his wife Vampira after centuries in the coffin. The blood transfusion she receives turns her into a African-American. Dracula is bummed and she's out gettin' her thing on in the clubs of an avocado-green London. Can't make this up; couldn't even try. Clive Donner directs, from a particularly low point in his career. Look for Linda Hayden, the knockout Sabbath fan from Blood on Satan's Claw, presumably naked... again.
5. Terror On The 40th Floor (1974)
Fox Movie Channel, Friday, January 16, 2am
Legendary made-for-TV stinker, in the footsteps of The Towering Inferno. Office revelers John Forsyth, Don Meredith and Joseph Campanella are among the B-list talent stranded in a burning skyscraper at Christmas Eve. Will they survive? Will you?
HBO Comedy, Saturday, January 10, 8pm; Sunday, January 11, 4:20am (ha!); Thursday, January 15, 11:35am; HBO2, Wednesday January 14, 12am
I normally take exception to the folks from The State getting a free pass for comedy gold (count me as the one person who doesn't like Wet Hot American Summer), but Reno 911: Miami actually got me interested in watching the show. And now it's like this neverending feast, as I've got season upon season of yuks to sort through. This movie is short, about the length of three episodes strung together, with about 10 minutes of padding in the credits. That's OK though, because not one moment is wasted. The jokes hit hard and sting (Kerri Kenney-Silver's racist outburst punches a hole right in the center of the film; that exploding whale bit you saw in the commercials, etc.). Incredibly funny; I've watched it like 40 times and never get tired of it. Excellent cameos by Patton Oswalt, Paul Rudd, Danny DeVito and The Rock.
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