Miley Cyrus Sucks

Posted at 12:30 PM Dec 02, 2008

By Kenny Herzog



Despite only being 16 and spending most of her life lacking in normal socialization or formal education, Miley Cyrus is apparently fluent in American culture's contradictory puritanical attitudes when it comes to sexuality. Must be from fellating that 20-year-old man kabob of hers (and yes, I'm entirely comfortable making a living writing about teenage girls and their "man kabobs").

Was I the only one who read the snippets from her UK interview (in which she suggested her notorious Vanity Fair photo shoot with Annie Leibovitz was better received overseas because "the States are really conservative, and that she might even relocate to London) and thought, "Ya know, you're right pop padawan. The worldliness and perspective you've attained from travelling the globe in private jet planes and spending seven-hour stints in different cities' hotel penthouses not only imbues you with the authority to comment on societal uptightness and hypocrisy, but has helped me lose weight without having to eat Subway for each of my day's three meals anymore"?

So, in response to my earlier introspective query about reporting on the doings and misdoings of multimillionaire teens, sure it's a dirty job. But it's better than getting paid to feed some spoiled brat PR-friendly lines that only serve to enhance public perception of her maturity and avoid outcries at the more dubious indiscretion (and one which, apparently, the Brit journos likewise let roll of their backs) of her publicly flaunted statutory romance.

Oh, and her dad's soul patch sucks too.

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