Films From The Cable Afterlife: 12/05-12/11

Posted at 9:00 AM Dec 05, 2008

By Doug Mosurock

Films From The Cable Afterlife empties out the traps of uncut cable movies, and sorts out all the irregular or otherwise remarkable movies that got left behind by the crush of time and popular favor, that defined the medium of modern television and fed into its cultural whims with both flash and zen. Write your thesis on any of these chestnuts. (All listings in EST.)

8. CQ (2001)
IFC, Friday, December 12, 12:30am
How do you make the European swinging '60s unbearable? Ask Roman Coppola about this abomination, his first (and last) feature film, starring a wimpy Jeremy Davies stranding his long-time girlfriend for an Italian actress once he gets asked to drop the douchebag at film school and come to the studio to do it for real. So pointless, it's like a void; other movies become terrible in its proximity.




7. Stealth Fighter (1999)
Cinemax (OuterMAX), Saturday, December 6, 11:05am; Cinemax (More MAX), Thursday, December 11, 12:05pm
Director Jim Wynorski is a late-era Roger Corman protege, having polished up turds like Chopping Mall and The Return Of Swamp Thing since the mid '80s (and sitting in the chair for Skinemax crud like The Witches Of Breastwick and The DaVinci Coed). He's a huge fan of stock footage, and crams it into just about all of his movies, regardless of how well it matches with the rest of the film. Stealth Fighter features Ice-T pulling a Broken Arrow and stealing military aircraft. Costas Mandylor, Erika Eleniak, Ernie Hudson and Tom "Tiny" Lister co-star. A career ender, except for Ice-T, whose revenue streams in the jiggling buttocks of his wife, CoCo, are so strong that they may pull us out of this recession.




6. We Jam Econo: The Story Of The Minutemen (2005)
Sundance Channel, Thursday, December 11, 6:35am
For the first half of the '80s, San Pedro's Minutemen traveled the U.S., dodging loogies and bumming out the punks waiting to see Black Flag with tense, jazzy punk rock rooted in the struggles of the working class. Tough guys hate this band and rock the Red Hot Chili Peppers instead, but as for the rest of us, their story is a bittersweet chronicle of life on the outside, and dreams dashed away (singer/guitarist D. Boon died in an auto accident at the end of 1985, promptly ending the group). Plenty of famous folks are on hand to reminisce about the greatness of this band, and if you don't know, now ya know.



5. Harry And Son
Showtime (SHO Family Zone), Sunday, December 7, 9:30pm
I'll just point you to Cintra Wilson's masterful take on the career of teen actor Robby Benson and let recent Hilarious Cable Info-Bar entrant Harry And Son do the head-scratching for you. "About as sexy as a pair of white socks" indeed, but all the same, a fascinating and bizarre cultural phenom from the days of Styrofoam McDonald's containers.



4. Switch (1991)
Cinemax (OuterMAX), Wednesday, December 10, 12:30pm
Blake Edwards' second-to-last feature (the final being the execrable Son Of The Pink Panther, with Roberto Benigni) was this bawdy romp, a relic of bygone methods of expression. Perry King plays a chauvinist pig who's killed by an ex-girlfriend and reincarnates as .. Ellen Barkin. Cigar-chomping, beer-belching Ellen Barkin. Some lessons will be learned. Who was this movie for? Guys who think they're Burt Reynolds?