Katy Perry Sucks

Posted at 11:45 AM Nov 20, 2008

By Kenny Herzog

Sure, she's hot. And yes, "I Kissed A Girl" had its infectious qualities. Until it became predictably overplayed as some kind of subtextless anthem for female teenage empowerment. And before Perry began fetishizing her own retro-burlesque image. And dating the singer from Gym Class Heroes.

Look, Ms. Perry, I was willing to give you a pass on your Christian-leaning, Matrix-produced, Alanis Morrisette/Incubus-inspired (ugh) past as a failed mid-2000s recording artist, because the redeemable prospects of your one-hit wonder status seemed a fair tradeoff on that kind of cognitive dissonance.

But if you're going to insist on putting out single after single of desperately edgy, faux-electro-pop and fashioning 2008 as the True Blue stage of your Madonna-like trajectory to world domination, then I have to call you out on your shit.

You're doing the LGBT community no greater favor than Eminem with carelessly precious tracks like "Ur So Gay," that new video for "Hot N Cold" already reeks of you having way too easy a time crafting a self-involved cult of personality, and 90 percent of the Google searches directed toward your stage name (if you were really such an individual, Ms. Hudson, you wouldn't have balked at confidently distinguishing yourself from the actress Kate) are conducted by teenage boys hoping for your next nipple slip (NSFW).

You are little more than a more self-consciously stylized Avril Lavigne and Hilary Duff (right down to the lecherous, boyfriend-begat emo credibility); have made no more convincing a transition from your parish-primped background than that weirdo from Shiny Toy Guns who used to be in PC Quest; and have managed to sully the endearing, and much more naughtily flirtatious, legacy of Jill Sobule's same-named same-sex paean. Henceforth, Katy, you suck (although I'd totally still make out with you).

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