Films From The Cable Afterlife: 11/21-11/27
Posted at 9:00 AM Nov 21, 2008
By Doug Mosurock
You're only gonna watch A Christmas Story once this coming week. Here's what else is on. Films From the Cable Afterlife returns to bring you some respite from glad tidings this holiday season. Buyer beware! No refunds on these turkeys!. (And per usual, all listings in EST.)
8. Dead Silence (2007)
Cinemax, Saturday, November 22, 10am; Cinemax (OuterMAX), Sunday, November 23, 10:30pm; Cinemax (ThrillerMAX), Tuesday, November 25, 8:30pm
Saw creators James Wan and Leigh Whannell stepped gingerly into the major studio system with this throwback horror thriller, pitting young murder suspect Ryan Kwanten (now famous as Jason Stackhouse on HBO's True Blood) and the embarrassing Donnie Wahlberg against dolls that kill people. If dolls, dark houses and late-changing plot twists are things that terrify you, then line up. As such, this one isn't too terrible (Amber Valletta makes a good showing), but it's nothing you haven't seen outta Chucky.
7. Screwed (2000)
Starz Comedy, Wednesday, November 26, 5:45am, 12:35pm
This comedy stars Norm MacDonald, Dave Chappelle, Sarah Silverman, and Danny DeVito. Sherman Hemsley shows up in it as well. Why haven't you heard of it? Tune in to find out! Tailored for a long, slow death somewhere in the cable diaspora, this wintry comedy involves a kidnapped dog, a Jack Lord fanatic and some other things you may or may not look back on fondly. It's not as good as Norm's Dirty Work, but really, what is?
6. Zoo (2007)
Sundance Channel, Tuesday, November 25, 1am
You could drink a whole bottle of cough syrup and watch the notorious "Mr. Hands" video somewhere on the Internet, slobbering on your hands (please, do not try this), or you could simply watch this goofy, new age, bad touch documentary about it instead. You'll never think about bestiality the same way ever again. You will be so over bestiality from then on, because you didn't think anything sexual could ever be this boring.
5. Bigger Than Life (1956)
Fox Movie Channel, Sunday, November 23, 9:30am
And while we're on the subject of drugs, you really owe it to yourself to watch this intense, bizarre portrayal of addiction. James Mason tears the set down as an overworked dad who takes cortisone pills and hulks out into this tyrannical maniac who only Walter Matthau can subdue. All the ingredients work. Director Nicholas Ray pushes a thick candied Technicolor shell through Cinemascope, a man taking a bullet for the cinema. Cortisone pills!
4. Southern Comfort (1981)
Encore Action, Saturday, November 22, 2am
Sam Peckinpah enthusiast Walter Hill stages this brutal, punishing downer in the Bayou, where a group of weekend warrior National Guardsmen are picked off by the locals for messing with their shit. It's a metaphor for American involvement in Vietnam, and it is BONKERS. Keith Carradine and Powers Boothe star as typical redneck toughs leading a squadron of untrained, psychotic assholes who've captured trapper Brion James. Harsh, unflinching violence and gore.
