Spencer Pratt In: 'Pearl Harbor: The Musical'

Posted at 10:42 AM Oct 14, 2008

By Kenny Herzog

In these tumultuous weeks leading up to the presidential election, Hills intellectual wunderkind Spencer Pratt continues to be our political conscience. After opening the season by remarking that this sister and LC's allegiance was akin to goodwill exchanged between Israel and Iran, last night he uttered the fun-liner (about more or less the show's entire cast of characters, all of whom are set out to destroy his unique sense of loyalty and delicately wispy facial hair) that "They already started the war when they came out here and bombed me like Pearl Harbor."

This guy is seriously one Holocaust remark away from justifying America's first legally accepted murder since Columbus washed upon our shores (oooh, topical humor). What would be my suggested penance for the fiercely loathsome reality villain's latest slip of his forked, devilish tongue? Well, something similar to my advice for Tobey Maguire following his friends' recent pumpkin-patch scuffle.

Have Pratt do community pop-culture service by starring in a dinner-theater revival of Pearl Harbor: The Musical, based on the inexplicably Criterion Collection-worthy theatrical film of the same name (that's right Criterion, we're never letting that one go).

In it, Pratt would inhabit both the Ben Affleck role and that of the ship, while cast members indeed dropped figurative bombs all over him for two interminable hours, in the form of berating insults and noxious flatulence.

Hey, it would likely be more memorable than its source material. Maybe there'd even be watermelon-smashing as an encore.