Obama V. McCain: Thoughts And Observations From The Debates, Round Deux

Posted at 10:00 AM Oct 08, 2008

By Kenny Herzog

As NCDSUV readers know, we're quite fond of round deuxs, so our above-ground sequel sonars were on full alert for the thrilling oratory rematch between presidential candidates Barack "The Hope" "Obama and John "Adam Raised A" McCain.

And we were not disappointed. From the opening handshake, to the first offensive right hooks, to referee, er, moderator Tom Brokaw's bravely getting in the middle of these two fireplugs, Obama V. McCain: Round Deux was one for the ages. All ages in fact, thanks to the evolutionary-chain-length disparity between the two candidate's birth dates.

Here's a few observations about what happened between the rhetorical blows:

• Ronald Reagan might be McCain's hero, but my heart and loyalty belong to this $5 footlong.

• Dear Mr. McCain: Regarding the desire not to withdraw our soldiers until we've achieved "victory," who are you, Johnny Drama from Entourage? (And I think Obama's point was he'd rather have soldiers to bring home with limbs in tact, nevermind "honor." But then, who am I to question the international rationale of a septuagenarian old coot who likely still has flashbacks to POW camps? Ah, yes, a voter, that's right.)

• Was I the only one who noticed the audience member who bared a startling resemblance to Shirley from What's Happening? Then again, there were plenty of winners to be distracted by, especially white-trash mustache man in the back row.

• Speaking of which, was I the lone viewer who thought it would have been hilarious if an index-card holder got up and arbitrarily asked their question in a foreign language?

• Nothing swings young voters in battleground states like references to Herbert Hoover and his much-controversial protectionist tariffs.

• We knew the Republicans were questionable on the environment, but now McCain's gotta take it out on the whole galaxy by ripping Obama a new one about a planetarium's overhead projector? What else are you gonna nitpick him for? Extra chalkboards and protractors in his campaign offices?

• From now on, I shall only refer to McCain as David Crony-Berg.

• Not keep picking on poor McCain here, but maybe repeatedly acknowledging how you've "reached across the aisle" to Joe Lieberman, the Benedict Arnold of the Dems, isn't the best way to display your bipartisanship.

• In fairness, Obama was equally redundant while harping on McCain's proclivity for lobbyists and special interests. Hehe, we said proclivity.