The Lil Wayne Luis Vuitton Liquidation Plan

Posted at 1:00 PM Oct 10, 2008

By Greg Volk

What do you get the guy who has everything? A million dollars cash so he can buy more everything. Our heads are still spinning over the fact that at his 26th birthday party this week, Lil’ Wayne received a Louis Vuitton briefcase -- filled with one million in cash.

Let’s be clear: This is awesome. Before all you haters go off on your, “Can you imagine the taxes on that?” rants, let’s put things into perspective. The hip-hop community has always understood the value of liquidity. All you people with your fancy schmancy stocks and mutual funds? You’re the suckers right now. Weezy’s got “A Milli” in cash. Well, he had it a couple days ago at least.

But of course there are some small problems with this gift, like, do you put it on the gift table? What if he hadn’t opened it up immediately? Then you’d just be that guy who had to point out how awesome you are. “Umm, yeah, Weezy, did you get to that Louis Vuitton bag yet? I think you might want to look inside. No, it’s not a business card holder.” Plus it kind of makes that one guy’s case of Cristal seem like a bottle of Brut. (Little known hip hop fact: Being known as bad gift-giver is worse than being called a “punk ass bitch.”)

I think it’s safe to say most of us will never touch or even see one million dollars in cash all at once. So I think Weezy owes it to us, the normal public, to blow some of that paper. Here are just a few ways he could do it.

What you can get with “A Milli” cash:

- A not totally insignificant portion of AIG/Lehman Brothers/Bear Stearns

- All memorabilia and current assets of and related to Weezie from The Jeffersons

- Platinum tattoos. What? They don’t exist. Fine, have them invented.

- Sizzurp for life

I’m calling it right now. Invest in Cash Money Records. Invest in Lil Wayne. Still skeptical about the diversity of his portfolio? Perhaps you haven’t read yet his ESPN blog.