The Top 10 Most Embarrassing First Major Film Roles
Posted at 9:00 AM Sep 04, 2008
By Kevin Johnston
Everyone wants to be a movie star. The lure of fame, fortune and all the other perks depicted on Entourage is a serious draw for even the strongest among us. So, when aspiring actors get their first shot at the limelight, sometimes their judgment is questionable. Look, we won’t be too hard. We all have embarrassing gigs from our past. It’s just that with these guys, the world is watching.
10. Robin Williams, Popeye, 1980
Like him or not, Williams is one successful son of a bitch. I mean, Disney bought him a fucking Picasso! Now, even if you love this hairy-chested, possibly autistic buffoon, there is still no way you're buying into Robert Altman’s adaptation of our favorite spinach-chomping-sailor cartoon. Paper mache squids, horrible-looking prosthetic arms and Williams' frightening, one-eyed impression of the titular character make this an embarrassment for the ages. The good news is that any profit the actor made from the movie he likely put up his nose.
9. Justin Long, Jeepers Creepers, 2001
Justin Long isn’t a bad dude. He may even be a good actor. Unfortunately, it wouldn’t matter if he was the Robert DeNiro when it comes to this flick (directed, no less, by notorious sex criminal Victor Salva). Horror movies are easy bait when you want to poke fun at someone’s career, but Jeepers Creepers employs every cliché in the book and had even the whitest of audiences yelling at the screen. But the most bewildering result of the film has to be that Long was nominated by the Academy of Science Fiction, Fantasy and Horror Films for his role. Good thing for him that he didn’t win.
8. Jim Carrey, Copper Mountain, 1983
Any young comic trying to climb up the ladder to fame has to figure that the old ski-and-sex combo is a good way to get a foot in the door. It's the kind of goofy fare that lets a guy like Jim Carrey strut his stuff while a parade of boobs strolls by in the background. You tell a few good jokes, someone takes notice and you’re off to the celebrity races. Unfortunately, what Carrey didn’t count on was being paired with Alan Thicke. Even worse than that was the fact that Thicke was playing the cool guy! Wasn’t he already like 60 when this came out?
7. Jamie Foxx, Toys, 1992
Way back before Foxx was a serious actor, or at least before it was deemed racist not to anoint him so, he made some really bad movies. The Academy Award Winner’s first foray onto the silver screen was this less-than-wonderful Robin Williams vehicle. A company helmed by a general that makes colorful war toys didn't turn translate as a clever commentary on society, but seemed closer to an un-aired episode of G.I. Joe.
6. Tim Robbins, Toy Soldiers, 1984
Yes, Mr. Sarandon went on to star in many Oscar-nominated pieces of crap, but this was his first piece of crap, and it didn't even get a nod. Perhaps this story of teenagers captured in Central America who band together with a mercenary to fight their captors is where Robbins first discovered his annoyingly arrogant leftist leanings. While the thespian surely looks back on his whimpering Elmer Fudd impression in Mystic River with pride, there’s no way even he could hold his head high after re-watching this poor man’s Red Dawn (stay tuned next week for our list of what Red Dawn taught us about communists).
5. Jennifer Aniston, Leprechaun, 1993
Aniston might look back fondly on this horror flick, as it’s the last time a guy seemed really into her, but man, oh man, is this a bad one. No one’s expecting much from a movie whose plot revolves around a murderous troll in a green suit, but somehow Aniston’s addition takes away from its cult humor, functioning more as a sad commentary on her depressing film resume.
4. Adam Sandler, Going Overboard, 1989
Sandler has cut out a mostly respectable (and wholly profitable) niche for himself making fun and easy comedies for all audiences. There have been ups and down, but there’s always something you can pull out of his films…except this one. Going Overboard is the story of a young comic hoping to make it big by touring on a cruise ship. It may have worked better as a premise if there was anything actually worth a laugh, but Overboard is so bad that it may have convinced the producers of Boat Trip they could make a more inspired ocean-faring romp. The worst part is they succeeded.
3. Julia Roberts, Satisfaction, 1988
While the premise of an all-girl group rocking out is something that sounds appealing to most guys, the awful overdubs, terrible jokes and general lameness make this one a bitter pill to swallow. Roberts seems like a pretty cool woman, so I’m guessing she’s doesn’t look back with too much regret on this choice. Besides, her biggest lament should have been losing top billing to Justine Bateman.
2. Courteney Cox, Masters Of The Universe, 1987
It’s hard to find something more embarrassing than being married to David Arquette, but Cox has this little treasure in the back of her closet. The '80s were a magical time when Dolph Lundgren almost mattered and He-Man was still cool, but there is no excuse for a movie whose production values are so minimal that it resembles the most expensive porno ever made. At a certain point, you're hoping for people to take their clothes off in every scene just to be distracted from its cheapness… even the ones with Cox.
1. Sylvester Stallone, The Party At Kitty And Stud’s, 1970
While tons of other stars have unfortunate films in their oeuvre (that’s French for imdb profile), most can thankfully claim that they exclude pornography. No such luck for Sylvester Stallone. Because most XXX movies were still shot on film in 1970, and because the outfits are so incredibly over the top, Party actually seems somewhat arty. And while it might also represent Stallone’s best acting, it’s still pretty embarrassing to be paid to screw. Sorry Sly.
Comments
whats wrong with TOYS?? ;(
Posted 09/11/2008 at 12:14:40 AMHow about ...
Renée Zellweger and Matthew McConaughey in _The Return of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre_
Frances McDormand and Liam Neeson in _Darkman_. I'm a big fan of Darkman because one went on to win an Academy award and the other was nominated.
Posted 09/11/2008 at 12:22:44 AMI am super gay!
Posted 09/11/2008 at 12:23:27 AMI actually liked Popeye as a kid. It was the first movie I ever saw in a theater with my dad.
Posted 09/11/2008 at 12:25:15 AMFrances McDormand and Liam Neeson in _Darkman_. I'm a big fan of Darkman because one went on to win an Academy award and the other was nominated.
Posted 09/11/2008 at 12:26:13 AMMrBabyMan! you got to the end of an article!
Congratulations!
Posted 09/11/2008 at 12:35:15 AMWHAT ABOUT ARNOLD?!
Posted 09/11/2008 at 12:44:30 AMStop making fun of me or I won't digg your stories.
Posted 09/11/2008 at 12:52:03 AMPopeye was and is the SHHHIIZZZ it's soo good! And toys was trippy and pretty awesome too.
Posted 09/11/2008 at 12:52:03 AMJuliet Louis Dreyfous in Troll 2 (not sure if it was his first film but Sonny Bono has a cameo in it too).
Michelle Pfeifer, Mathew Broderick in Lady Hawk
Liam Neeson in Krull or Excalibur (early but not firsts)
Nick Cage in Valley Girl
Posted 09/11/2008 at 01:01:33 AMDon't forget Benicio Del Toro as "Duke the Dog-Faced Boy" in Big-Top Pee Wee!
Posted 09/11/2008 at 01:06:23 AMJustin Long was definitely in GalaxyQuest, circa 1999.
Posted 09/11/2008 at 01:15:18 AMwow, a famous person commented on your blog, if someone can really be digg famous (which, i guess they can).
Posted 09/11/2008 at 01:19:41 AMSome def. inconsistencies...
Posted 09/11/2008 at 01:23:09 AMTim Robbins-The Quarterback Princess (1983)
Justin Long- Galaxy Quest (1999)
Party At Kitty and Studs wasn't triple X. It was softcore.
Posted 09/11/2008 at 01:42:27 AMHow about 1979 "The Villian" for Arnold Schwarzenegger... essentially a live action road runner / wile e. coyote cartoon.
Man that movie was hilarious.
Posted 09/11/2008 at 01:46:54 AMPOPEYE? Popeye the movie is actually being scrutenized? You're a douchebag! Popeye was, and forever will be THE SHIT! Robin kicked ass in that movie. Not to mention that Ray Walston as Poopdeck Pappy made the movie worth watching... more than once at that. The two together were hilarious. There are plenty of other shitty first roles that could have made #10, but Robin Williams playing popeye shouldn't have been it. I submit that you, Kevin Johnston, are either too old or too young to appreciate such a good movie. If there is a hell, I hope that when you go there, you are forced to watch it for eternity. I probably shouldn't be so pissed because you missed that Jim Carrey's first movie was "Rubberface," not "Copper Mountain." Also the Justin Long miss was way off as well. You really have no bearing to rate movies or make judgments on them. Once again, Kevin Johnston, you're a douchebag.
Posted 09/11/2008 at 02:03:17 AMMissed it entirely -- Kevin Costner as the corpse in "The Big Chill" - a part that was left on the cutting room floor. I guess even as a dead guy, he really just wasn't that believable?
Posted 09/11/2008 at 02:16:28 AMHow about Ned Beatty? First role he gets raped by rednecks in Deliverance. On the other hand, great movie though...
Posted 09/11/2008 at 02:29:25 AMHow about the sex addict David Duchovny? His earlier movie was dumb.
Posted 09/11/2008 at 03:56:22 AMThe Sly Stone porn film, when it was first released, was a hardcore porn film complete with cumshots and so forth. When Stallone became popular, they recut it as "The Italian Stallion" and made it softcore so they could license it to Playboy Channel and the other softcore porn channels on cable in the mid-1980s.
The one memorable part for me is some party scene (obviously shot in some crappy apartment) where there are about 15 or 20 naked people (including Stallone) dancing in a sort of circular line, for no apparent reason whatsoever, other than to maybe show off some dicks and tits and snatch.
It's a really bad film.
Posted 09/11/2008 at 05:20:07 AMSusan Sarandon & Tim Curry in The Rocky Horror Picture Show?
Posted 09/11/2008 at 05:56:38 AMLOL, POpeye was pretty stupid.
Jiff
Posted 09/11/2008 at 07:54:36 AMhttp://www.privacy.mx.tc
SATISFACTION was an NBC-TV Movie for Justine Bateman. Perhaps Julia Roberts first movie was Mytsic Pizza?
Posted 09/11/2008 at 07:55:20 AMWhat about Leonardo Di Caprio in Critters 3
Posted 09/11/2008 at 10:21:07 AMOk. How about Jeane Claude Van Damme in Monaco Forever. It's my favorite roll for him.
Posted 09/11/2008 at 10:43:51 AMHilarious. I agree with GNinjaBoi about Jeane Claude, but aren't most of his roles pretty embarassing anyway? Except Bloodsport of course - he's a god amongst men in that one.
Huk huk.
Posted 09/11/2008 at 11:46:00 AMWhaaat? Williams was BRILLIANT in Popeye! I don't care what anyone says, he was perfect.
Posted 09/11/2008 at 12:07:17 PMJulia Louis Dreyfus was in Troll, not Troll 2. However there Troll also had such stars as Sonny Bono (also mentioned incorrectly) and most importantly Michael Moriarity as "Harry Potter Senior." Moriarity is also famous for another hidden gem of a movie named "The Stuff."
But either way both Troll and Troll 2 are both gems.
Posted 09/11/2008 at 01:08:08 PMquick editors note: while it maybe should have been announced more clearly in the intro, the headline clearly indicated this was intended to scrutinize their first "major" film roles. which, granted, is still subjective. but it was never intended as necessarily being first literal roles
however, very good call on Julia in Troll.. and I think the Duchovny appearance youre thinking of was as the smarmy boyfriend in Dont Tell Mom The Babysitters Dead
Posted 09/11/2008 at 02:02:51 PMerichansa said: Susan Sarandon & Tim Curry in The Rocky Horror Picture Show?
Posted 09/12/2008 at 08:08:33 AMARE YOU CRAZY?? Bite your tongue, young man. One of the finest cinema examples ever produced.
Susan mayyyybe qualifies here because for her specifically its a very odd role that's incongruous with her subsequent career and mostly requires her to play a moron that stands around in wet underwear.
Posted 09/12/2008 at 12:13:09 PMI remember Nicole Kidman in "BMX Bandits"
Posted 09/12/2008 at 04:00:56 PMFor the life of me,I cannot figure out why my employees and coworkers think of me as such an idiot?
Posted 09/13/2008 at 04:11:16 PMI must really suck to be considered a dull moron like they make me out to be?
I'm fortunate the rest of the world doesn't know my little secret-or that I have a little...
It was not Jamie fox in Toys..it was LL Cool J.
Posted 09/13/2008 at 09:06:31 PMGeorge Clooneys first film was "Attack of the killer tomatoes", little known fact but it may actually give him kudos Pia Zadora also appeared in "Santa Claus conquered the martians" for her kickoff
Posted 09/14/2008 at 04:37:26 PMWhat about Jim Carrey in "Once Bitten"
Posted 09/15/2008 at 10:38:48 AMfyi, jamie was in toys, even if ll was the star. wasn't necessarily who had the more major role in the film, but films in which it was a first significant role for the actor (and not necessarily first overall)
Posted 09/16/2008 at 11:35:42 AMtom hanks 'mazes and monsters'
Posted 09/21/2008 at 05:48:35 AMreally really awful
LL Cool J in Toys. Not Jamie foxx
Posted 10/31/2009 at 10:44:11 PM