More Conspiracy Theories For David Duchovny

Posted at 2:00 PM Sep 05, 2008

By Kenny Herzog

You'd figure David Duchovny would have tired of conspiracies after the failure of his X-Files sequel (what was its subtitle again? The Search For Spock or something?). But you never know with these crafty Hollywood types, especially when it comes to earning a buck or ratcheting their ratings.

Anyway, you all know we've been following Duchovny's penis-vagina addiction like it were Watergate. And in the ensuing week, you've likely heard rumors creep up that the whole life-imitating-art sex-fiend thing is really just a big rehab-stunt.

Now, to be sure, our own straightforward reporting of the situation has been more a product of journalistic responsibility than naivete. NCDSUV is all-too aware that his turd of a Showtime drama, Californication, has its season premiere in two weeks. And our initial instinct was to cry foul, or even more injuriously, hoax. But that would merely be conjecture, and this website doesn't sully itself with such middling tactics.

Until everyone else does first at least. So yes, if you were to ask us, "Hey there, prescient celeb-gossip resource, does something about this whole thing smell fishy to you?" we would say, "Yes, it's the six-week old lox in our refrigerator. Sorry about that. But also, we think Showtime is desperate enough for ratings and still lagging behind HBO's credibility, so they would absolutely coerce their star and People mag to co-conspire in such a shameless headline-grabber."

Unless, that is, you really think the network stands a chance against their rival's rolling out of new Entourage episodes and Alan Ball's vampire drama, True Blood. Either way, it's a lot more fun to imagine Duchovny's admission true, and proceed to mock it vigorously─while abstaining from any visual intercourse with Californication─so really, everyone wins.