Meg Ryan's Lord Of The Women Trilogy

Posted at 2:00 PM Sep 12, 2008

By Kenny Herzog

As NCDSUV readers know by now, I've developed something of a near-obsession with the captivating awfulness of the Meg Ryan/Adam Brody/Olympia Dukakis weepy In The Land Of Women. (And I promise, my Disasterpiece Theater treatise on it is coming soon.)

Likewise, you could presume my abject horror at today's release of The Women, which strikes me as a calamitous cross between Sex And The City, The First Wives Club and Cocoon.

But this isn't intended as a review of a film I haven't seen. (My guess though? A bunch of women who've been cosmetically enhanced in real life have shit-talking sessions about the perils of aging naturally and losing their men to buxom young vixens, leading to a reclaiming of their independence and likely sexual encounters with younger men.)

It's intended as a warning to all filmgoers: Like a baseball player needing a triple for the cycle, Meg Ryan is one pandering film about gender/family/relationship politics with Women in the title away from completing the unholiest of trilogies. And I firmly believe that should she succeed, the fate of both man and womankind─nevermind cinema─could be at stake.

With that in mind, I would like to formally begin a campaign to landmark the following films (and one TV show) with Women in the title, so she can neither star in a remake nor glean obvious inspiration from them, thereby continuing her quest to set both moviemaking and feminism (not to mention erectile functionality) back further than Hume Cronyn and Jessica Tandy's wedding day:

Women On The Verge Of A Nervous Breakdown (Or as I of course prefer to call it, Mujeres al borde de un ataque de nervios.)

Designing Women (Don't fuck with Delta Burke in her prime.)

Women In Cages
(A Roger Corman classic.)

Truck Stop Women (Incidentally directed by the man behind one of the all-time great cult films, Class Of 1984.)

Nina Hartley's Guide To Younger Women Older Men Sex (Good to see Nina is still going strong.)