Hilary Duff's Dad Digs The Night Shift... In Jail

Posted at 5:14 PM Sep 04, 2008

By Andy Beckerman

Divorce can be tough on a kid, especially if that kid is a cottage industry worth millions like Hilary Duff. Though if her post-adolescent career is going to be brimming with tepid crapsacks like War, Inc. we'll see how fast the cash lasts before her agent has her doing a guest stint on Big Bang Theory as the nerdy... something or other. I don't know. I've never seen the show. It's shitty, right?

Anyway, Papa and Mama Duff have been embroiled in a bitter divorce battle for the past few years, the spoils of their exploited child at stake (although they'd probably phrase it as "the love of our dear daughter" or some similar claptrap). And as you may have heard, during the latest round of legal finagling (Mlle. Duff needed some scratch to pay for Hilary's birthday fete) the judge noticed something peculiar: Pappy's been negligent in reporting his finances. Irate at this treachery, Father Duff was fined and sentenced to 10 days in jail for contempt.

Now here's the kicker...

A rich guy who's the father of a celebrity never served his time! Check out this crazy, improbable sequence of events: Just before being processed, he got his bailbondsman to pony up the cash to get him out. Book 'em, Dano? More like "Do you know who I am? I'm Hilary fucking Duff's father! The closest I'll get is a visit to the set of Oz, you cheap Texas rejects! What? Oz ended like five years ago? Really? Whatever happened to Adebisi? He's was on Lost? I tell you, we live in a crazy, crazy world. Now get me the hell out of this shithole tout de suite."

Which would have worked, were it not for the fact that law (sort of) prevailed, thanks to a hilarious clerical error.