Confessions Of A Liberal Mind: Undressing Sarah Palin

Posted at 1:00 PM Sep 05, 2008

By Kevin Johnston

I was more than ready to get my Tim Robbins on as I sat down for the Republican National Convention on Wednesday night. Rudy Giuliani was delivering his lispy Catskills routine (complete with contractually obligated 9/11 references), the fashion-forgotten Republicans were shouting out their tacky chants and it was just about time for me to pounce on this vice presidential candidate I hadn’t even heard of just a week ago.

Wearing my Obama ’08 T-shirt and drinking tea so my voice was perfectly tuned for lobbing “boo” and “are you kidding me?” at the TV screen, I was totally prepared. As Sarah Palin took the stage, the cascade of cheers from Denver nearly drowned out my mocking commentary… so I turned the volume down. I was winning already. Finally, the Alaskan Governor began her parade of lies and insults. But as she began to mock Barack Obama with a not-so-subtle jab at his public service record, something inside of me changed. My rage subsided and I felt a little flutter in my heart. Was her message starting to resonate with me? Nope, her looks were.

It hit me: Palin is sexy. Her 20-years-too-late hair, her vice principal/Tina Fey glasses and her razor-sharp smile somehow add up to one sexy political package. She’s also the first female politician to figure out how to wear formal attire that doesn’t make her look frumpy or mannish. You just can’t picture her wearing one of those terrible Hillary pantsuits, but if she did, she would probably make that sexy too. As the jibes and lies rolled off her tongue, I went numb to her empty rhetoric and found myself gazing into those dark eyes. This must be how James Carville felt the first time he saw Mary Matalin.

I now want to defend Palin from these merciless attacks. I want to rescue her from her husband’s terrible goatee. I want to know what she’s wearing under that suit.

I realize it may sound sexist to trivialize a woman running for VP by breaking it down to her looks, but what you need to understand is that this goes beyond looks…I think I’m in love.