Bristol Palin And Levi Johnston Update

Posted at 12:33 PM Sep 04, 2008

By Kenny Herzog

Ok, I lied. I don't really have an update. It was mostly a ploy to get you to keep reading. But I do have a couple of thoughts. Firstly, it seems a bit convenient that when the Democrats finally have a viable black candidate, and he's opposing a fiercely paleolithic opponent, the Republicans somehow manage to outhip us with all this unwed teenage mom stuff. The stage during the RNC more closely resembled a reunion of the cast from Fast Times At Ridgemont High than a conservative pulpit. And yes, I guess that makes John McCain Mr. Hand. Too bad the event didn't take place in Honolulu so the whole crowd could have greeted him with Aloha.

Also, where does Levi's namesake ring-finger tattoo of his beloved Bristol fall in the pantheon of bad digit-adorning ink? It certainly doesn't approach Ozzy's self-involved knuckle-scribbling, no doubt the result of snorting too many ants one mundanely psychotic evening. But, it's arguably less regrettable than the rest of these losers' personal acessorizing.

Oh, and just to clear up the mass public confusion: No, Levi and NCDSUV writer Kevin Johnston are not related. Although we could use the publicity, so Kevin, just lie and say you are and head down to Minneapolis.