Adjusted Britney Steals Show At Boring VMAs

Posted at 11:31 AM Sep 08, 2008

By Emily Youssef

There are three reasons to watch the MTV Video Music Awards:

1. You are under the age of 16
2. You work in the music industry
3. You are training to be a contestant on Jeopardy

We'll let everyone else reiterate how bad the VMAs blow and how MTV doesn't even play music anymore and how Carson Daly was the first true sign of Armageddon anyway. Instead, we'll just cut to the chase: The 2008 VMAs were boring. No witty commentary, no fights, no awkward rock star moments.

We're not too cool to brush the sideswept bangs away from our eyes and talk about the even, it's just that when the most tense moment revolves around host Russell Brand's mockery of the Jonas Brothers' promise rings, there's not a whole lot to say. When Jamie Foxx has to act as hypeman during the first five minutes, you know it's going to be a sleeper. If you're, say, 19 years old and work as a bank teller, we hope you enjoyed watching the Chicago Bears silence the Indianapolis Colts or Vincent Chase handling a few Mexican birds on Entourage.

Britney Spears stole the show by being normal. Rihanna made her debut atop some sort of wooden cake on loan from Marilyn Manson. Lil Wayne showed off his ass. Pink promised to start a fight, but did her usual tall-hair, kick-dudes-down routine through the fake sets of the Paramount Studios lot. T.I. strolled uncomfortably with a hot chick through the same sets, and Paramore bounced around at the Whiskey A Go Go (again, the fake version). Then there was T-Pain and his damn bedazzled hats, and the bumbling seemingly coked-out Brand.

There were others, like Kanye and Katy Perry and Kid Rock, but we assure you that whatever images popped into your head after reading those words is precisely how their performances went. Better luck next year, MTV. Maybe Alex Trebek can host.